its been ages since i've updated this blog..

& i think i have "kan kai le" for alot of things..

even u can get all the things u wan in life.. but maybe u are too blinded and have missed out alot of the little simple happines..

and i feel fortunate, really.. that i m not someone rich or earns alot..

money can really bring u alot of things, physically..

but it can become an obsession too..

and many people unknowinly become a slave for money..

i may not be very smart or very pretty..

friends laugh at my silliness (or u can call it stupidity if u want) and awe at the number of things i don't know..

they are the ppl who laugh and share my joy.. and also the people who see me cry and lend me their shoulders and ears..

i have a mummy who takes great care of me and the family..

who literally did everythin for me..

& after goin one big round once again, ricky and i are together again..

after datin afew more people.. (or in his case, i won't call it datin..)

i found the guy whom i fell in love with years ago..

and i believe we learn to cherish each other more and think in another's point of view..

i don't have angelic face or a to-die-for figure..

nor i m rich and powerful.. (which i am thankful for..) but just enough to spend..

but i have all the people i need around me.. and they truly make a difference..

i wokeup everyday, feelin very xin fu.. :)


emotionless..

because i don't know what to feel..

heartbroken?

angry?

disappointed?

dumb?

relieved?

should i cry?

scream?

shout?

make a big fuss?

i wanna puke!


i did not shed a tear..

i feel numb..


in frankfurt nown feelin very sorry for myself..

with my scalded hands..

i know i sounded damn stupid and bimbotic..

i seriosuly think i scalded myself while huggin my hot water bottle to sleep..

because i was so cold.. i didn't realise it was burnin me..

can u imagine how cold am i??


ricky and i went to buy a chinchilla and we named her "bunnie".. =)

she is such a cute little thing.. damn active..

and ricky complains to me that she shits all around his room.. *haahahaaa*

ricky loves her so..

treats her like a precious baby..

=)


that day i met k.. & he passed me afew stuffs he bought for me..

i asked him directly "ni shi bu shi yao zhui wo?" and rejected him 10minutes later..

i don't want to let him think i like him and continue acceptin his gifts..

anyway he was sweet enough to still sms me to ask if i passed my basic..

but i guess i won't hear from him anymore..

the difference between a 1yr and 10yr friendship..

elaine: he looks not bad what.. from the way u describe i thought he is ugly.. okie lar.. go out with him lar..

pea: he is not your type..

hahhahahaaa~

pea says she got no friends she think i will like de to intro to me..

stupid ed wanna intro me de friend, i am not interested..

suddenly i feel like 35 instead of 25..

why da jia all scare i jia bu chu qu..?!?!?! =(

i am finally goin to get my BB this sun! =D

nor says she will help me to set everythin..

can't wait to be back~

datz all~

*muackz*

life is almost perfect!
















** not angry just disappointed.. but just two drops of tears this time.. =)

i will continue to do so till i am numb..

yesh.. i am just a stubborn little cow..


i am beginnin to wonder if we really still love each other or we just need some gettin used to with others..

if he did not treat me the way i want to be treated.. would i still love him..

i doubt so, if u asked me..

does it mean i actually don't really love him..

but if u think about it.. i am just like any normal girl right..

would u love your bf alot if he wasn't good to u..?

would u stay by him if he wasn't nice and sweet to u..?

i was supposed to meet k today..

he asked me out 3 weeks ago already..

i last minute fly him aeroplane because ricky asked me to meet..

i know i am such a bitch..

no wonder nor once said i don't know what is love..

she also said alot of things.. & now i'm beginnin to think what she said is true..

i am also wonderin if we are really what each other wanted..

ricky said before he has always been givin in to me all the while..

maybe its not love..

he is just being stubborn and unwillin to accept the fact that i am just like that.. the ego thingy in him.. thus makin life difficult for himself all this while..

he can easily find someone who is less demandin and treats him better and be happy with her..

maybe we are not that suitable afterall..

we are just reluctant to let go..

finally he admitted defeat..

he can't change me..

we broke up..

but now we are in this unknown status which i don't know how long it will last..

i believe alot of couples who had been together for many years already, go through this post break up grey area thingy like us bah..

one day everythin will pass.. we will happily be with someone else..

& i will always remember you because u are a significant person in my life..

i am lucky to have met u..

to have u accompany me through a large part of my journey, even though its not till the end..

=)

datz all~

*muackz*

p.s. nono.. nothin happened.. in fact i had so much laughter watchin the shows he recorded down.. the day ended well.. =)

its just that alot of if's and maybe's came to my mind..


mummy accompanied me to the doctor today..

the trip to the doctor did some damage to her pocket..

because she bought me 3 bottles of concentrated bird's nest!! =D

last time ricky used to buy bird's nest for me..

& i only allowed him 1 mouthful..

if he bought 2 bottles.. i'll quickly finish mine and snatched his..*haaahaa*

those were the days..

=)

i wanna go sentosa..

there are so much changes to it recently..

elaine only wanna go casino.. another gamblin ghost in my life.. *haahaaa*

wanna go universal studio..

jw~! when are u backkkkk..

i guess he is the only one who will accompany me on those rides..

sillies say they can go take pictures for me.. but make it clear will NOT take the rides with me.. will not be psycho-ed by me once again.. =X

even ky surrendered le.. =(

my eye is red.. got 3days mc..

quite happy actually.. *hee*

datz all~

*munchin ba kwa in progress*

*muackz*


am i very selfish?

i don't think so..

i didn't wanna alot of your time..

i just need an ans from you..

i wan to know who i am to you..

i just need some basic care n concern from u.. but u can't even give..

lettin go is hard..

but holdin on is even harder..

i always thought future = you..

i believed..

in what, i seriously don't know..

but yet i still believe my future will have you inside it..

but today i cried..

and i realised, you..

its just you.. theres no longer a "us"..

or future..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mj session with sillies today..

omg.. lost 30 bucks.. =(

went to elin's & danny's house to see baby jovia..

got a day mc for tomorrow coz my right eye is red..

was chit chattin with k in msn because i wasn't feelin vey good..

he asked if i wanna get anythin from states..

so i said nothin..

he said if he saw somethin he think i will like.. then he'll get it for me..

so i challenged him "u sure u know my taste?"

him: (very hao lian-ly) we shall see..

oh very well.. we shall see then..

goin to lala land le..

its mornin~

good nightz..

*muackz*

ying

YY aka birdie aka black blur bird (by NOR & PEA)
16 Dec 1985

greedy.. petty.. predictable yet unpredictable.. fickle minded.. lazy.. a glutton.. insensitive.. overly optimistic.. noisy.. stubborn.. ridiculously unreasonable.. do whatever i feel like doin.. speaks whatever that comes to my mind.. this is ME..

her family (mummy & 2 brothers) + her beloved drinkin cousins =P
her friends
her sillies & karmaR-ing with them =P
food
freedom
spendin $$
nua-ing
playin mahjong
havin fun
travellin
watchin movies
daydreamin
surprises
bullyin hui aka pea together with nor =P =p =P



lose 4kg!!
hair to grow long
watch an indian movie *keke*
a new chio chio danglin stud for my belly
skydiving
donate blood
visit an orphanage
buy mummy an expensive watch for her this year's birthday
go Korea with sillies
go Hawaii
go Las Vegas
visit the Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park in LA

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..my little world..

the girl who is blessed with a bunch of great friends.. =)



jj lin-xiao jiu wo - 林俊傑lin jun jie jj&蔡卓妍 ah sa